Search Erin's Blog

Sunday, October 31, 2010

English Homework?

So I thought that my English class was to be cancelled for November first, right? But nooooo, its November eighth that we dont have class. So I do have to write my english essay for tomorrow. I am supposed to be writing it right now, but I must say, its lovely outside and boring in here...

halloween kitty ears

real, very hairy kitty

her love for me

This is all coffee. black coffee.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Pictures

Mmmkay. As promised, here's ME and the SQWUIRRELL in DC.

Moi. A naval student asked to take my picture for a "real life" project

So cute!

I circled the powerwasher. Kinda looks spooky, no?

Heyyy

Hi all--yesterday was busy and I didnt get to post here.

We went to washington dc for the annual washington international horse show. Its got like olympic riders and terrier races and it is a LOT of fun. I used to ride when I was younger and had a pony named Pumkin, so it makes me kind of sad to see all those pretty horses :( Anyway, to pass the time until the show started, my mom and brother and I visited the Capitol building, which was beautiful, by the way. there was a little man jammed up on the top of the building with a powerwasher and I was like, yeah Im never getting up anywhere that high.

I went to the Holocaust museum whilst my weaker stomached mom and brother went to the museum of natural history. It was horrible to read and see in detail about the things that the victims of Hitler's attacks went through! I learned that, along with Jews, homosexuals and disabled people were persecuted/killed. Awful. There was an obnoxious 12 year old girl that happened to be visiting at the same time as me and seemed to ALWAYS be around to step on my foot/elbow me, but I felt really awful for thinking anything bad about a human being as I looked at all the pictures...So it was humbling. If anyone is interested, I highly reccomend a visit next time you go.

We also saw Ford's Theater, where Lincoln was assassinated (the gun that killed him is on display!) and the White House Visitor Center. We also encountered the elusive white squirrell!!!!!!!

Today I worked 9-5 and visited my mom at an antique show during my lunch break. Tomorrow,(ugh) I believe I will have to go FLOUNDER FISHING with my mom and brother in Ocean City. He loves to fish, and I think it is nice to get out of the house, but I swear that everytime I have gone on a fishing trip with them I have come off soaked and salty. EEWDSHBVKLN.

Halloween partaaay tomorrow night! This kitty cat is going as a kitty cat: black high waisted skirt, black tank top, black shrug, kittay ears.

I'm off to watch a Hello Kitty video that I found in the Children's side of the Library while I was shelving. I can't help it--its so relaxing! I also need to paint my nails--they're haggard as hell. Pics from DC and pics of the elusive white squirrel will come soon!!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

oops

God, I'm obviously not good at this blog thing, either.

She's A Tounge Twisting Thursday

Gosh--sorry for the lack of nice and interesting posts. Today was fine--had two slices of smallish pizza at my spanish meeting. Thank GOD I was able to resist the cookies and cakes at the newspaper and spanish meeting--so I feel quite accomplished :D

Got a 1916 on my SATs!!! At first I was EXTREMELY disappointed, and I was all set to take it again, but now that everyone has told me that it's fine, I'm not sure. What do you think? I want to get into Marymount Manhattan, so is a 1916 a keeper???

We're doing pop art/printmaking in my Art II class. We take a linoleum block, print a design in ink on it, carve out the sections of color one by one, and print ink on it. If you've never done/seen it, then I won't bother explaining since its difficult :P BUUT we get to use these gouges/cutters in class to cut out our linoleum, and I swear it is SO theraputic to just stab at that block after a long day. Just try not to slice up your hand accidentally like I did.

I was looking thru some of my old photos and I saw some from last years homecoming. I was wearing a size 2 dress that we tailored to fit me so my goal after I lose my weight is to be able to fit back into that dress--probably not tailored, since we shrunk  it.



obviously, I am the only one without a black face.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Binge

Title sums this shit up.

If you are a member of PT/just looking for support, go to

http://weightloveperfection.blogspot.com/

and pick a team to join. I feel like part of a family already!!!

Monday, October 25, 2010

LA La la

Hola. I'm in a rather good mood right now because I got a 96% on my English Compare/Contrast Essay. Seriously, I got my grade this morning at 10 am and I am still happy. It was on ED's and I really put my own feelings into it and the only points taken off were for my works cited page. Sorry about that little happy rant--but English is my faveee subject and this bodes well.

As for the rest of today:
oatmeal
sandwich and graham crackers at lunch
grilled chix salad and low fat fro yo for dinner

and gum. key lime pie gum.

So not bad. The day isn't over but so far I haven't binged, I've gotten up to do my jogging, and I think my mom wants to take a walk later tonight. Watch tomorrow be shitty as pants. AHAHAA that's actually how it goes, usually. I have a few great days after a big fight/binge and then the cycle starts over again. I am going to bust my ass to not screw up again though, so maybe I can make it to Halloween without binging/telling my mom I hate her/cutting. Wednesday will be a toughie--I am making cookies for Dia de Los Muertos with my Spanish club and I know our fatty teacher will be eating icing and shit. I fucking hate her so much I dropped out  of spanish this year.

My mom has yet to find out that I have a Facebook. Life is serene.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

URgh.

Hey all. Today was both wonderful and horrid. I worked 9-5 at the library and had an amazing time with my friends that work there. They had no food--only black coffee--so I felt like I was on a roll when I got home. Then my friends from school invited me to a Haunted House, but those plans fell through so we ended up chilling at my friends house for the night and I binged. Like, its so gross to think about afterward. I don't know if anyone can tell I'm binging because I chew slow and only keep one thing in my hand at a time, but whenever someone else gets up for food or not, I go and grab another reeses or kit kat or something. I told them that I'm on a meal plan and that I'm trying to get my weight up for a drs appointment next week so that they won't suspect me of binging. Otherwise, I had an awesome time. It was like a break from reality, and I hated seeing my own house when I drove home. Sometimes I wish I could live in that reality: sitting on a couch with Halloween candy with my friends, laughing and gossiping, and having them tell me that I'm skinny (No lie, they did. Made my night, but I know that if I keep binging I won't hear that anymore. :( ) This morning I was at my "binge" weight : 123.4, so hopefully tomorrow I will be back down to 121.8. I just want to get over this hump in my life and be happy. I'm so sick of causing problems for my family and SO sick of food. If I was alone, I probably wouldn't be eating just because after so many binges the thought of food disgusts me. But my mom wants me to eat, and when I eat, I just end up eating my feelings.

Blaggity blacghghhsadgh. Hate this part.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Food For Thought

Hey--sorry about the absence of posts yesterday and the day before but...I've been having some "home" trouble. Needless to say, I haven't been the best daughter lately and had a huge blowout fight with my mom yesterday. We're okay now...for now. But I really plan on trying to make a change in my life now. She's atttempting to montior my eating and to make sure that I don't bing/purge/starve. I really appreciate that because not too many people would put up with that shit!!! Right now I'm chewing Extra's dessert gum like crazy and am probably at...1300 cals today. Which is a MAJOR improvement from other days.

Tomorrow I work 9-5 at the library, which is an awesome way to burn TONS of cals if I stay away from the staff vending machine. I plan on leaving all money at home, however, and avoiding the staff room for my lunch break to prevent any slip ups. I'll find a diet book or an Audrey Hepburn biography and read some thinspo so I won't eat :)

Today I've been at school, working on English HW, watching Jeproady with Mom (we got along fine then, so its good so far!), and Bing-ing (Word? Verb??) thinspo. My fave thinspo is real girl, I guess because it makes it all more real to me that I can achieve my goals. Celeb and model thinspo is just another world, I guess, so it isn't too inspiring. But I still LOVE Miranda Kerr.

As far as non ED activities go, I am either going as snooki, a nerd, or a homeless person for Halloween. I'll have to raid my little brother's closet if I decide to be a nerd and "borrow" some of his uniform trousers. Anyone out there pumped for Taylor Swift's new album? Comes out on Mondayyy and I bought a new iTunes gift card so I'll be prepared.

Loveees and hugs.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Tewsdayy.

Evening all. Soo today my illness is a little better. I'm still bloated as heck but at least I don't feel nauseous. Sadly, my dear mommy and granddad have both got what I had yesterday. I blame it all on my little cousin as he is the one that initally was sick. Hopefully Grandad will stick it out--he's a 72 year old diabetic and just got out of the hospital for a wound infection.

School was fine, got invited to a Halloween party by a girl in my grade so that was pretty uplifting. I'm hardly what you'd call a "party girl." So now I need to come up with a costume that will look hot and make me look skinny at the same time. Tell me if you guys have any thoughts on what I should wear!!!

Worked from four to eight today and got totally freaked out by some creeper. I work in the library aka the homeless hangout and this boozy fellow came over to me and was like "shawty, hella nice skirt" and then proceeded to sing something about "motherfucking shit" all the way out the door. Hmm. My job description should have included random harrassment. On the very plus side, I was wearing a cute skirt and my friend Kelly said that I was "so little." I know, I know, why should I care? But when you spend 100% of your day telling yourself that you are the hugest, thickest, fattest, and flabbiest thing in the room, being called little is like a gift from above.

Mom bought me some candy corn. I hope to God that means that she trusts me enough to not binge while she was away. It's so funny; just a month or two ago she would always encourage me to have the extra piece of bread, or order fries with my chicken sandwich, or go with regular ranch instead of lite, and now she kinda eyeballs me whenever I have a slice of banana bread at my Grandma's house. Anyone else out there like me? Used to be Ana and now Mia/BED? I'd MUCH rather be told to eat another piece of something than told that just one--or none-- is enough. Hopefully the candy corn is a step towards her thinking I'm somewhat "normal", whatever that means.

Mmmkay guys. Gotta finish my English essay that's due tommorow(its about ED's, haha). And I have to go give my chinchillas their dust baths <3 Love you all and don't forget to HELP ME with this costume issue!!!

Lovess.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Day So Far

Hey all. So today I have no high school because of teacher conferences. I was all pepped up last night because I was gonna hop out of bed, do my jogging on the treadmill, and kill it today with sit-ups and whatever. BUUUT I feel sick as shit. :( I skipped my jogging, skipped my  community college english class, and was forced to go to the doctors so he could "check up on me" again. Horrible day. The only plus side is that I feel SO sick that I haven't eaten more than 300 calories so far. Blech. My dr says that I don't have to come back until January so that's a major plus. But I plan to be down at least 15 pounds by then.....
Anyway gotta finish my english and statistics HW or else I'll probably get grounded again.

Posting some links for you lovely ladies :)
http://thinspiration-pictures.blogspot.com/
Amazing thinspos ^^

Annd for all you fashion junkies...If you have yet to create an account on style.com, DO IT NOW. You can see all the recent fashion and couture runway shows and add them to your very own lookbook! Just be warned, the site can be a little slow sometimes, but it's totally worth it!
http://www.style.com/fashionshows/

Stay gorgeous...

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Everything You Didn't Want to Know

Heyyyy. As promised, I have compiled a bio for you all so I won't seem like a total stranger on here. Enjoy!!

Name: Erin Rose
Age/Birthday: November 14, 1993 (Sweet Sixteen baby)
Hometown(and Current town): Maryland

I live with my mom and 14 year old brother. My parents got divorced 2? 3? years ago due to my dad's alcoholism. Haven't seen/talked to him in a looong time and miss him. I've got two wonderful grandparents who live a bike ride away, and two little cousins that I see every weekend.

I'm a Junior in High School and am also taking classes at a community college to prep for my four year university. My first(and right now only) choice is Marymount Manhattan. I'm the Vice President of our Key Club, editor-in-chief of our school newsletter, in the Spanish Honor Society, and the Publicity Manager for the SGA. Being busy is the only thing that keeps me sane.

I'm currently in recovery for an eating disorder. I was hospitalized and diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in February and am currently suffering from a mix of anorexia and bulimia. I refuse to give up hope though, so a shout out goes out to my soul sisters out there.

I have three chinchillas and a cat that I adore, a box full of pages torn from Vogue and Elle in my bedroom, a family of stuffed Sanrio toys, and a wall full of books by Laurie Halse Anderson, Meg Cabot, Louise Rennison, and J.K. Rowling.

Pretty much it. Feel free to Facebook me!!! (just tell me you're from Blogspot first. Kay? Kay.)

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001586821036

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Hello and GOOD Evening

Hello Lovees...

I've decided to start a blog. :0
I feel like I need a consistent place to document my feelings/thoughts everyday OTHER than The Facebook.
I'm going to be putting up a nice loong (yet totally readable) bio prolllly tomorrow so you all can get to know me!
Be warned: I am extremely friendly and will most likely follow your blog if you follow mine.
Hopefully I can figure out all these settings out to make this pretty, but until then, you all stay gorgeous.

~Erin Rose~