So I was thinking about lying some more. Telling everyone on here that my day was fine, and thinking up some story about how I went to school and had a lovely low cal lunch of soup and aced all my tests, but then I thought "Why did I make this blog, anyway?"
So I could find a place to be honest--and understood. So here is my day.
(Yesterday is included in here because I didn't post)
We had no school yesterday because of elections. I went to my Stats test--I think I bombed it, ha ha.--and then got a text from my friends. We were gonna hang then anyway because we had no school but she told me to come around 12. So it was like 10 30 and she was like "Bob Evans, guuurrrlll!!" and I get there and there is a big plate of choco chip pancakes and bacon AND one of those caramel cappucinos. So great! I mean, I ATE it and had a LOAD of fun at her house (we ran around the neighborhood making music videos to Taylor Swift's "Better than Revenge") and then I went home.
Like, my house sucks.
My mom was nitpicking at me all day and she had good reason to, but I just felt so sick and angry and unwanted that at the end of the night I told her, and we got in a fight. Before she left the house for work tomorrow we got in another fight. Can you picture me, crazy eyed, banging my head on the wall? And then she comes and grabs me--I have bruises--and I start screaming, "You can't pick me up anymore, huh? Because Im not 80 pounds anymore--Im fat and like 2000 pounds!!!" Sure enough she drops me and I basically just lay there.
Then I binged. All day. It was shitty(scuze me for the language).
Its funny how NOBODY knows that my life is like this at home. I am precious Erin, the quiet one, the one that doesn't swear, that gets good grades, that will help me with my homework. They have no idea I have gotten into physical fights with my mom, have been abandoned by my father, and have NO idea that when I walk into school I can feel curly fries, chocolate milk, mrs fields cookies, and poptarts slooshing around in my fat ol' stomach.
Its been awesome talking to you all. I think its rather a form of therapy.
Today I have cried a bit...
Pikachu is Sad
Snooki Is Sad
I know you still don't know me all that well, but I really wish I could be there and offer a hug and try to help. You're such a wonderful person, and I'm so sad that you have to go through things like this! I can't say I completely understand - my home situation was really different, though it does let me empathize a little - but I think I know exactly the feelings you're talking about, especially in one of the last paragraphs. You're kind of becoming like my sister, and I hope sooooo much that you can be happy for real... *hug* Better days will come.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE you Keelin, and I feel so happy whenever I read your comments on any blog (including your own!). I too have faith for better days!!!!!
ReplyDelete*double hugs*