86 pounds and 15 years old. She’s become so skinny that her bones have grown old—“Osteoporosis”, her mother says. “If only we could afford the bone scans—we could make her healthy again.” But the professionals and insurance companies claim she’s not sick. “When her heart doesn’t tick, we’ll admit she needs help. Until then, we’re sorry—she hasn’t a problem with her mental health.”
Her parents are desperate—she’s not eating still. That long saved box of Poptarts has long been stale. But no bills can be paid—she’s not legally insane. It doesn’t matter if she’s running ten miles a day; as long as she’s anorexic, she has no imbalance of the brain.
Two years later, she’s dead of a heart attack. The doctor asks her parents “Why didn’t you try to stop that?” her parents are heartbroken, they tell him they did; their daughter’s illness was something the insurance companies couldn’t admit.
Now she’s gone—dead in a flash. She didn’t even make it the full ride in the ambulance. Such a sad truth, her story is. Her insurance wouldn’t cover her bills. All because anorexia wasn’t the “right” mental illness.
I could never hand something like this into my teacher, but I think it is really good and emotive x
ReplyDeleteverrry well written :)
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing. You have that attention-grabbing hook down perfectly, and it does an excellent job of speaking to the emotions. The details make it seem even more real, the dialogue, everything. As long as you provide plenty of research-based facts about how anorexia affects the brain, and how mental disorders in general influence productivity in the workplace/US expenses/etc, you should have an argument piece that could persuade ANYONE. Such great writing!
ReplyDeleteHoly moly! I didn't even notice the first time very much - it RHYMES!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's a really, really good piece of writing, however it seems more like an anecdote than an argumentative essay. I think if that's what you're aiming to write, maybe less rhyming & include 5 paragraphs ( 1st, intro- background info, like what anorexia is, diagnostic criteria etc and also what arguments to plan to talk about in your main body paragraphs), then main body paragraphs 1, 2 & 3 each presenting a different argument on your topic (why insurance companies should cover ED treatment) and last paragraph the conclusion - summarizing all your arguments.
ReplyDeleteBut like I said before, it's a really excellent piece of writing, you really connect with the audience! The stuff I said only applies if you plan to hand it in for formal assessment. Kudos!! x
The writing is really good :) It's sad though, it gave me the chills. It's scary how that kind of thing really does happen in real life. :( Just like that.
ReplyDeleteHope you're ok,
night_Flower x