Sugar Bears and Sugar Highs

UGHSLDSHOEJHFDOIUJF

I sincerly apologize for my lack of posting for what--a whole 48 hours???? Unacceptable. This will not happen again.

ANYWAY la razon I was MIA was because I had a fantastic double binge day and double blowout with my mom.

What's that??? Its the sound of FAT falling from the sky and hitting me, smack dab in the stomach. BLURGHH.

My mom literally told me I was "building my stomach" with PopTarts. And she's right.

On happier news, I didnt binge today.
yaaaaay.

We got salad bar from Ruby Tuesdays at lunch and got on better today.

I HAVE CAUGHT UP ON ALL OF YOUR BLOGS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO MY NEW FOLLOWERS <3 I WILL FIND YOUR BLOGS AND FOLLOW THEM TOO.

Today! I decided that I want a sugar bear for christmas. like omg they are so cute.

they had a stand set up in  the middle of my mall and these dudes in khaki--wear started pulling these little chipmonk squirrel things out of their pockets and I fell in love.

So Mom? Can I get a sugar glider? I know we already have three chinchillas, a cat, numerous (dead) fish, two dogs (that I dont even like) but these things are so damned cute. I cant live without them.

My friend that I went to the mall with, after hearing me squeal and scribble (?) over them was like "Those. Are. The. UGLIEST. Things. I have ever seen."

Figures. She just wants to rain on my Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.



AHHHSDDS:LLFDKHSL I  must go and do my stats homework. by the way, that teacher hates my class. just today my table partner was like "i can never remember which was is less than and which is greater than" and this teacher was like, "well you must have had the worst class room setting if you cant remember something that simple."

i swear, karma.
bitch.

goodnight all. you love me like whoa :)))))

sugar bear!!!!!! So lovable and soft <3

Pweeeseeee take me home????

ew.

Fairytales

Once upon a time,

there was a little girl. she had everything she ever wanted. until one day, her parents took her to an amusement park. they left her there for a bit, and she found the biggest rollercoaster she had ever seen.

it was brand new, high-tech, and for God's sake, it was PINK. she had to try it---there was a miracle itself in the fact that her mom had left her alone long enough for her to try something new.

she got on and strapped herself in and waited for the ride to begin.

and ohmylord it was amazing and fantastic and like nothing she had ever tried before. her mother came back and told her to get a move on. she reluctantly hopped off. but she dreamed about that wild ride for nights.

one day, she snuck back to the coaster. it was even more enticing than she remembered. she got on, and strapped herself down extra tight.

what if I stayed on for just one more ride? she wondered. would anyone notice?

in fact, they did notice, and they welcomed her in with open arms.

just tighten your seat belt, they advised, were gonna take it up a notch.

she lived on that rollercoaster. felt her bones rattle as she went up the incline. felt her stomach bulge around the seat belt. heard her mother screaming at her to get a grip and come back down to real life.

but its easier to stay on the coaster--watching life from above. never making any choices except to just stay on that ride.

its easier. but is it better?

if you know any little girls in your life who want to start riding that shiny coaster, tell them to run away.
as fast as they can.

Christmas Wishes

Mom: What do you want for christmas?
Me: Oh, Ill just get some money for clothes and such.


What I really want, she can't get me. Nobody can.

I want to lie down and feel a space in between my thighs again. I want to sit down and not suck in my stomach anymore. I want to show people that I am better than they think I am. I want to wear the clothes that I dream of--be the girl that I am inside.

I want your hands, your smile, the assurance that someone loves me like I've never had before. I want a someone to tell me I am beautiful. And I want to believe it.

I want to walk into my house and laugh---wipe my shoes off so I don't track fairy dust on the carpet.


I want your love <3

You are beautiful--you just can't believe it.

Uh Oh, I Want Some More

Happy Turkey Day y'all! And for my followers across the pond, Happy November 25!!!!!

Today I volunteered at a "Turkey Trot"--a marathon that benefits a local historical park. It was really fun--I was one of the trail markers.

I am sure everyone is wondering how the hell everyone ate on Thanksgiving, and I am happy to say, surprisingly well. I hate like, mashed taters and roast pork/turkey/stuffing/cranberries/any kind of "homestyle cookin'" (except ranch. I LOOOOVE ranch.) so I was okay.

For lunch, my mommy and I went to RUBY FREAKING TUESDAY. Can you belive they were open??? Anyway, I basically had a little bit of lettuce with their pumpernickel croutons for lunch, and then pecans for dinner, because my grandma made a bunch of like, bacon-wrapped turnips for dinner. OH I did have a homemade strawberry cuppycake!!! Clocking in a 200 cals. For the day I can assume around 1200, which isnt bad at all for Turkey Day.

Ummmm. I work 9-5 tomorrow, and my face looks a little less bloaty already (I think I am now on binge free day 2?? 3? I can't remember)


Mmmkay. Question for you guys. Because I am so obsessed with Ruby Tuesday croutons, I would like to hear YOUR fave restaurant foods--whether you are watching what you eat or not, let  me know!!!!!
Just so you don't feel any shame at all in telling me, I will reveal my top Five Fave Foods (from restaurants.)

croutons (duh)
outback steakhouse cheese fries w/spicy ranch dressing
Hunan Palace Moo Goo Gai Pan
Magnolia Bakery Chocolate cuppycakes
grilled chix salad from texas roadhouse

All of them served with tea.

Those little brown crunchy things? Deelish.

Did I mention I got a kick ass sleep mask? If not, well, I got a kick ass sleep mask.

You Gotta S-M-I-L-E

To be H-A-Double P-Y!!!!!

Ahh, Shirley Temple. She was like, my movie star when I was younger. I can still remember sleeping over at my Grandma's house when I was young. I'd pack my little bag that said "Goin To Grandma's" and stay up late with her watching Shirley Temple and Jeproady. In the morning, she'd make me heart shaped waffles while I watched reruns of the Roadrunner and Wil. E. Coyote. My nightlight was a star from the Christmas Tree she puts up every year, and I'd listen to the cars go by her house at night.

I miss childhood.

Today was good. Binge free. Saw Burlesque with Molly-I've changed my mind--she is the best friend Ive ever had.

(am I crazy or what)

Mmmkay. If you are a successful singer, it goes without saying that you will be a kick ass dancer and a suck ass actor. CHRISTINA AGUILERA LOOKED HOT, SANG HOT, AND ACTED LIKE CRAPSKY. NO MORE SINGER/ACTRESS MOVIES!!!!!!!

So. Today was a good day.

Shirley Temple

Mean Girls

HAPPY EARLY TURKEY DAY GOBBLE GOBBLE.

Ugh eff this. Why do I always end up with the loser friends????????? It's funny, because today my Teen Vogue came and had an article about "friend poaching" in it. Which is like, stealing friends or something. Anyway, I look back on my life in retrospect and realize: all my friends basically suck. This one chick just basically fell of the face of the planet and ignored me because her mom didnt think I was cool enough, and in like first grade, this girl HOGGED me and never let me sit next to anyone else at lunch.

I also have this really bitchy friend who is the closest to a real friend as I can get, but she is so fucking moody that it drives me insane. plus, we go to different schools now and shes turned into a total slutty skank.

We ALL know about Nat. Bitch. And her little minons that USED to be my friends. Then there's Molly--I love her and all, but she just doesnt act very...friendly. Like, I showed her the other day my drawings of Eloise at the Plaza I made for my mom. She doesnt say anything. And then, when Meg and I wore those dress up clothes at work, she posted the pic on Facebook and Molly is like, "Meg! You are so gorgeous and your hair looks awesome etc." Nuthinn about me. Im not trying to sound like an attention whore, but I would just like a friend who will not take advantage of my inability to stand up for myself/try and act like a friend.

Ugh. Anyone else feel like all the good pallys have died out??? Whatever the hell happened to Thelma and Louise????? Scooby and Shaggy???? Harry and Ron?????

We are all surrounded by bitches

Sexy Men and English Papers

First of all, I'd like to thank all so much for your comments on my paper!

Eloise 18: haha neither would I. This is being graded anonymously by the head english proffs. at my college, so they will have no idea who I am tee hee. but thanks! I was trying to put emotion in there.

Lilah Lee: thanks dahlin :)

Keelykeelykeelin: Thank you! That is my "hook" so hopefully the proffs. will think so too. Yeah, I did find a couple of court cases/encyclopedia snippets that I can cite in-text. I really liked your workplace idea--will use it as best as I can! :) He he. Yes it rhymes. It wasnt supposed to, but I was in that mood, i guess.

all.my.secrets.: thanks! and it is beginning an argument paper, so I have plenty of for/against arguments that will come in the following paragraphs. this is just to play with the emotions in the beginning. thanks for the tippsss!!!!!
night_flower: aww thanks! I really was trying to make people "feel" with this, so I am glad that I at least reached you. hopefully evil teachers will get it too.

The stupid thing wouldnt print so I sent the finished draft in just now.

MMKay. So today was good--my mommy and I cried a little bit together, but we actually got a little closer today, I think. I didn't binge, and I didnt even chew like 12 pieces of gum so today was nice.
So we have this huge thing at my school called "Rock N Roll Revival", where all the kids sing like oldies (some of the songs this year are "time warp" "helter skelter" and "stray cat strut") and dance. its a HUGE ordeal and all of the shows get sold out. I tried out this year and made it as a dancer!!!!!

Im really excited, because I really need to improve my dancing skillz. Plus, we get to wear cute costumes.

My friend Molly, who is like, devoted to theater, tried out of course as well. I felt so bad for her, because not only did the people who SUCK (no offense) got the biggest parts, the casting director shouted out "Hey! Sorry about your nana's death--that's such a drag."

AND THEN PEOPLE LAUGHED AT HER.
I swear.......Anyway, I think I will take her out for sushi or something to make her feel better. Even though I hate sushi.
(Is that woman serious? Such a drag?????)

She did get a solo though, so I am proud of her.

So in honor of Rock N Roll Revival, I will now post pics of some of the sexiest men in the performing arts world. Please excuse me if you do not agree with their hotness.

Ryan Gosling. Damn you, Rachel McAdams!!!

Channing Tatum

Eminem. You know he's hawt.

<3

OHMYGODOHMYGOD SO HOTTTTTTTT

Last but NOT least. <3

Thank you God, for making men so hot. This is thinspiration if you ever need any. Have a lovely day!!!

Comments?

This is going to be the beginning of my Argument essay. My topic is on eating disorders, and the fact that so many insurance companies wont pay for treatment because they dont think it is a real mental illness. SOOOOO here is my opening paragraph.  Please tell me if it sound stupid--I really need a good grade on this essay!

86 pounds and 15 years old. She’s become so skinny that her bones have grown old—“Osteoporosis”, her mother says. “If only we could afford the bone scans—we could make her healthy again.” But the professionals and insurance companies claim she’s not sick. “When her heart doesn’t tick, we’ll admit she needs help. Until then, we’re sorry—she hasn’t a problem with her mental health.”

Her parents are desperate—she’s not eating still. That long saved box of Poptarts has long been stale. But no bills can be paid—she’s not legally insane. It doesn’t matter if she’s running ten miles a day; as long as she’s anorexic, she has no imbalance of the brain.

Two years later, she’s dead of a heart attack. The doctor asks her parents “Why didn’t you try to stop that?” her parents are heartbroken, they tell him they did; their daughter’s illness was something the insurance companies couldn’t admit.

Now she’s gone—dead in a flash. She didn’t even make it the full ride in the ambulance. Such a sad truth, her story is. Her insurance wouldn’t cover her bills. All because anorexia wasn’t the “right” mental illness.

"I'm the king of the world!"

Ahaha, what a wonderful day.

My friend Meg and I played dress up during our lunch break. Our boss is a seamstress and brought in a bunch of costumes today, and we just HAD to try them on.

We were from the Renaissance???

Sorry for the tilted pic--Ive got no idea how to fix it. Needless to say, about 80 little kids came up to us and asked us why we were dressed up. Our reply? "we felt like it."


Ahhhh, Facebook. Am currently friending everyone that I was in inpatient treatment with. Why the hell didnt I write down their last names in my journal????

Back to today. Molly and I went to see Rent at the University near my house. I got us all Starbucks during intermission--she got like a mocha thingy and some peanut mms, and me and her brother both got orange glaces. its like strawberries, bananas, and oj. Today went well, because Meg and I ran around during work like mad, and didnt eat anything (we just read the really erotic parts of romance novels. "The Pleasure Master" and "Never Romance a Rake") and I had a salad when I got home.

AAHHH  For all of you who have seen Harry Potter--my favorite part:
The animated little scene of the Deathly Hallows Story. The detail was so gorgeous, and it was so macabre and pretty and GAWD I could watch it all day.

Ah, Titanic. Why must you keep me up late at night? And why must you end so sadly??? I cry so hard everytime I see poor Jack, all frozen and icy, with Rose crying next to him. Oh god, if I could be as pretty as Kate Winslet--life would be good. Rose is so smart, too. Im such a dumbass--if I was frreezing to death, there is no way in hell I would be smart enough to grab a whistle and blow. Id be like, "Jack! NO!!!!"

So I think I am going to go to sleep now. Am very tired. I will post more early tomorrow...If I remember.


AHHH MY ARGUMENT ESSAY, WHICH IS WORTH 40% OF MY FINAL GRADE,  MUST HAVE 2 DRAFTS TURNED IN MONDAY AND I HAVE  NOT STARTED!!!!!!!

TGIF

Honestly though, I dont care much for weekends anymore. I just get bored.

Potter was AMAZIIING! Coming from me, who balks at watching them anyway, this is gold. Maybe the midnight showing was part of the coolness, but it was really a lot better than the others. I had some munchies, so there goes my golden day...Bahh, does anyone else think popcorn from the movie theaters makes their piss smell like butter????? Is that TMI? I dont care, actually--I kinda want an answer.

Okay. So the bitch that I ranted about a few posts back was at the premiere too, with a little band of friends. She was wearing like, a tan feather boa, orange kitty ears, an orange fur mini, tan bra, and some sort of furry tank top. I have no idea what the hell she was trying to be except maybe Crookshanks, Hermione's cat, and the cat wasnt even in the movie. One of her friends came dressed as a werewolf?/chewbacca? I dont know. Luckily, she didnt see me he he.

My friend Molly has the pictures from the theater, so when she gets feeling like putting them on facebook, I will snatch them from her and post them on here. I would have taken a picture of the screen but...PLAGIARISM.

I definelty have a favorite part of the movie but am kind of leery as to posting it because I dont want it to be a spoiler. I  mean, it isnt really a spoiler, because everyone knows what will happen (who read the book) but..Whatever. If you care enough to hear, then I will post it.

Cant wait for July. Hopefully I will be skinnier then.

Another Mommy and Me fight againt today. Mostly on how unhappy I am and how I take it out on her often. I wonder, everytime we end up fighting and I cry and I say that next time, it will all be different, if we will be in that same position in just a few days? I am determined this time to make a change and get my act together. Starting with taking responsibility for my actions and acting for the FUTURE.

After all, it isnt like I have 300 pounds to lose. I have 25. I can do it. I can do it and keep my act together and make Erin 4.0 and have the first bikini summer I have ever had.

Good Lord, I feel like the little engine that could. I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN.

I know we can.

Thankee for the comments guys!
Eloise: haha sorry if that offends. british people are so sexy that we americans have to attempt to imitate them at every chance we get.

PS
Molly and I had to get back to our seats in time for the trailors, to see all the smexy new movies coming out. We saw a trailor for Red Riding Hood:

With Amanda Seyfried!



and then this madness:

Aaaw Hell Naw, Harrison! Get your ass back into Indiana Jones' dungarees!

Well. I guess thats all.
*goes off to read blogs*





Que Hora Es???

Its Potter Time.

HA I am sure you guys are all like finally. She can go and see the damned movie and SHUT UP about it already. I dont even LIKE the movies. I HATE movie theaters, and I HATE the very front of movie theaters, which is no doubt where my friend will choose to sit.

Cest la vie. I think that is my new philosophy. Quite brill, no no??


Today:
I stayed at school until SIX THIRTY  PM working on our school newsletter and my internship program. Did a lot of quality woman-to-woman bonding time with my English teacher from 10th grade(also my journalism coordinator) and got very mad at technology. I swear, next month,  I am drawing the damn thing on a piece of paper. Wont have to worry about copyrighted clip art, wont have to worry about PIN drives and whatnot. Just good old fashioned paper and pen. Like James Madison, and the Federalist Papers. ERIN and the MUNDANE MONTHLY SCHOOL NEWSLETTER, FEATURING ADVERTISEMENTS FROM THE LOCAL HARDWARE STORE AND CUTESY BALLOON GRAPHICS.

(teachers gossip just like students do. maybe being a teacher is an excuse to never have to grow up???? I think Im on to something big.)

No binges, I was too busy. My friend and my other friend took over the TV studio in our school and filmed a Harry Potter script. I had to borrow my skinny friends t shirt and was like constantly pulling on it and stretching it out. i hope it sproings back to what it was before I expanded it :0 But it was fun--I was Ginny, and my other friend was Hermione. Here is our improvised script: (note, I am G and my other pall is H)

G: Hallo, Hermione! Pray tell where is Harry? And what are ye doing?
(we were speaking in delightfully gross Brit accents)
H: Oh Ginny, Harry will meet us later at the movie theater. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows PART ONE comes out today! I am reading the book so I can catch up on the story.

G: Splendid idea. Mind if I join you, chapper?

H: TURN TO PAGE 364.

 My friend Molly comes in at this point, dressed in normal clothes)
M: Um. Guys? What are you doing? and how did you even get in here?

We basically squabble after this point until I say "BACK TO THE SCHOOL ANNOUNCEMENTS"
and Molly sits down with us to read. HA we even got a green screen to put Hogwarts in the background, and played the theme song during our part.

Molly loved her clapper thingy, by the way.

I will  leave here in a few minutes to hang with her at her house before the FEATURE PRESENTATION.

Dont fear, I will post pictures of the amazing world of POTTER.

Have a good night, muggles.

Wednesday!

Sorry--I couldnt think of anything more exciting for the title.

AM DRAINED. HATE STATISTICS WITH A BURNING PASSION. I swear, they make us take ONLINE quizzes, and Ive forgotten to take two of them, so there goes my average, and today I finally remembered to take one and the damn thing only has four freaking problems so I get one on and get a 75%

What's that sound??? Oh---its the two hundred dollars that course cost going down the toilet.

Worst part is, my teacher hates my class SO much because we are all SO stupid and dont understand anything, that there is no way she will give me some extra credit. Grrr. I hate math.

I LOVE english though. Love it love it love it. Am thinking about trying  to sneak into the AP English 11 class going on right now just because that teacher is SUCH a bitch and PILES on work and KILLS your essays. It would be an excellent experience for me, since I want to be some sort of writer/editor/reporter. I just wanna work with words, okay?
God. Why didnt I take English at community college and High School? BECAUSE I DIDNT FEEL LIKE DOING SUMMER WORK, THATS WHY.

Heggy ho. I didnt binge today. YAY. So that's day one of being back on track. Made a ton of coffee so I will be up peeing all night but whatever. I am on my period and have massive cramps. It feels like my insides are trying out for the olympics or something.

I did good today: Didnt binge, emailed my Aunt K, wrote my grandparents a thank you note, did my stats quiz online (did horribly, but did it), jogged, and got one of those cereal bars for my lunch.

Es muy muy sabrosa. If you have them in your local supermercado, I highly recommend purchase:


My biffer is back in the Bury! She is still sad about her nana, but I got her the most AMAZEBALLS prezzie in NYC that I hope to God she will love. She's a film junkie and makes these amazing music videos, so I got her a movie related gift.

Ugh you guys. Thank you all so much for your comments. Sooooo...have a great day, guys!

Hot damn--I didnt even know they had cocoa puffs until I googled it!
*goes to search for cocoa puff bars*

what I got my BFF. I didnt know what the hell it was called until I googled "black white marker clap thing movie" apparently it is called a "clapper board." Inneresting

Ugly Day

I woke up feeling okay, and I did my jogging and whatever...and then I weighed myself.
I TOLD everyone that I can't weigh myself because I get depressed and then I binged, but for some reason I was feeling confident, and I went and weighed myself.

Brace yourselves...127. GOD I feel like crying. Thats the highest Ive been in like 2 years! And on Friday I was like 123!!!!! Damn food, damn sugary lemonade, damnneddd chocolate snack cakes.

Tomorrow is another day though, and I will NOT weigh myself tomorrow.

Non food related news:
I am all over the planet with junk and papers and receipts and I am about to go bat shit crazy if I dont clean my room. Souveniers and homework and gum wrappers, oh ME OH MY. I got to my community college late this morning because I set off the alarm in my house, the alarm company called and asked me for the password and my mom didnt tell me so I basically burst into tears and gave them her number so she could tell them I wasnt trying to steal some forks or something....

THEN I got to my high school late due to a looong binge. I had a history test that I didnt study for (what a surprise. I dont believe I have studied once in my lifetime) and kinda flirted with some kinda boys in my kinda history class. High school is so st00pid.

Ahh, work. Work was nice today--I put away three massive carts of books without dropping any on my toe, having some little kids look up my skirt, or dawdling. Ew though, this mexican dude (no offense to any mexicanos out there, as I have plenty of mexican pallys) hit on me and I was like dude step away from the bookshelf. I will hit you over the head with Danielle Steel if you whip out your trouser snake on me.

I lovveee reading all your comments!!!!!!!!

Morbid Diathesis: thanks so very much! you really are too sweet.

Rio: Ha ha, that is actually exactly what I thought of when I saw the elevators too.

KEEEEELIIIINNNNN: I love you gurl. Are big eyes good? my lil bro makes fun of me, and I just hope that others dont think I look like a fly or something. And everytime I take a test, I instantly forget all the knowledge that I just barfed onto the page. Ecosystems?? What???? Pre Algebra???? NO.

PSSTTTT...Harry Potter premiere is in just two days and two hours and 36 minutes!!!!!!!!!

Welcome Home

I feel horrid, skipping two whole freaking days on my blog. Twas for a good reason, but still.
Anyway, apologies for absence of posts out of the way, I had a totally fabbity birthday. Thanks to all of you sweeties that wished me a happy birthday! I got all warm and fuzzy inside when I read them..:) You all had better tell me when your birthdays are so I can clog up your blog (rhyme) with birthday greetings.

Currently, I am making myself a study guide for my US History test tomorrow, but I honestly don't feel like it.  Anyone else feel like the Civil War and the American Revolution was ALL they learned about in middle school???? I swear, we switched history teachers about five times in middle school, and every damn time they all decided to start at the Revolution. WHERE IS THE RENAISSANCE??? WHERE IS WORLD WAR TWO??? I dont give a damn about the founding fathers anymore. I am over it. I shall put James Monroe and Andrew Jackson aside for a moment to tell you all about my weekend.

I spent waay too much money. I ate waaaaaaay too much food. And I fed a horse named Jimmy a carrott.
Ahh, I love New York. We took the train up from Seacaucus, NJ (which I highly recommend as you skip that nasty Lincoln tunnel) and went around, meandering, sightseeing...I think we went to Toys R Us for my little bro first...

At night we went to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. I dont know about you, but everytime I see a big dance number, I feel like, so sad and wistful. I wish I was a dancer like them...Needless to say I danced(badly) on the street all the way back to our hotel. I probably got lots of looks, but I didnt care. Our hotel was SEX on a stick. 48 floors with a revolving restaurant at the top. The elevators were little pod-shaped glass bubbles and you could see everything as it moved.

The next day (Sunday) we did some shopping, walked thru the museum of natural history, visited Marymount Manhatten college (where I want to go sooo bad) and did some more shopping.

I ate a TON, but I guess I thought that it was my bday and a vacation, so I deserved those pancakes with syrup for breakfast. I kinda feel bloated now, but at least I have a big hoodie to hide under.

What I bought (with my own money)
Two Abercrombie Skirts (stood in line for about 20 minutes while my mom and bro were at the Central Park Zoo)
120.89 dollars worth of Sephora makeup (includes benefit pore perfection, benefit brightning glowy lotion, too faced eyeshadow in cocoa and honey pot, and too faced lash injection)
Hello Kitty Car Air Freshners
AMAZING stickers from this Japanese store called Kinokuniya(across from Bryant Park on the Avenue of the Americas. A must visit for anyone who is in love with Hayao Miyazaki)
Essie Nail polishes from the Plaza's sample sale event
An Eloise at the Plaza mug from the Eloise store at the Plaza
My lunch (diet black cherry soda and a wrap)
Gifties for friends

Ummm. I think that is it.
My mommy bought me a Tiffany charm--this one is a crown--and so now my charm bracelet is filled up.

Perhaps the best part of my trip was meeting this old Irish guy in Central Park. I was just walking by myself and he asked me if I wanted a carraige ride. I just kinda wanted to pet his horse, and he let me. He said his horse's name was Jimmy, and that he (the dude, not the horse) was from Ireland. County Kent, I believe. I told him that my grandfather was from County Kildare, and that I hope to visit Ireland soon. He gave me a carrott to feed Jimmy, and Jimmy slobbered all over my hand. As I was talking to him, I felt like I was going to cry. I have no idea why, but it was such a wonderful moment, to find someone with something in common totally by surprise.

Anyway, I hope I have convinced you all the magic of New York City, and beg you to visit.

NOW for some pictures!

DREAM COLLEGE

The Elevator Pods! very sci fi.

Eccentric Fellow on the street

me and Justina. My brother took this.

Jimmy is not in this picture, but these are other carriage horses.

Breakdancer on the street.

The Eloise store at the Plaza! Some little girls were having a tea party in there.

Clever greeting card.

ME in my hotel room, hiding behind the door so I can scare the doorman when he comes in.

Loves and hugs, all, and my apologies for the long ass post.

sweet as sugar 17

SEVENTEEEN! I feel so old!

Happy 17th to coco steiber as well!!!

empire state of mind

Hello lovelies. I am very happy to say that I have 13 followers noe! What an awesome birthday treat! Thank you all so much! I am in NYC right now, examining all of my gifties that I bought myself. Pics and deets will come tomorrow as it is v.v. Hard to type with my blackberry.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts for my friend. She and her family are in texas with family and will be coming home after her nana's funeral on thursday (when we will see harry potter at midnight he he

Again, you all are wonderful and I will give you the post you deserve as soon as I get home tomorrow. That is a promis. And if I do not fufill this promise, feel free to hunt me down and chain me to my keyboard (not really)

Happy november 13, guys!

Lovess...

POSTSCRIPT

PS

I cannot find my Nintendo DS Pokemon platinum game. What am I going to do?????? I just beat the Elite 4 and am on my way to that battle island. GRRR SO PISSED. My bro and I are going on a mission to FIND THAT GAME.

Pikachu is Pissed

Empire State of Mind

HI all!

So, tomorrow I am leaving at 6 am to drive up to New York City with my mom and brother. I have a SUPER cute outfit planned so I will look like I belong in my City of Lurve.

Black mini dress
black and gray leopoard print tights
red ked tennis shoes (a necessity for walking)
Black north face coat
perhaps some blingy bobby pins???

This is my 17 th birthday present and I am SO excited. We went out to Outback Steakhouse tonight for my bday dinner--had a salad, so I think I am...4 days binge free? PLUS I was alone at home for like 5 hours today, and barely ate anything!

*wipes tear of joy away from eyeball

Of course, I will not be able to get my regular jogging exercise in tomorrow, but it IS New York. We are going to see the Radio City Rockettes show (talk about a thinspo. these are the kick line girls with the kick butt legs/abs/asses/everything else) and maybe the cloisters. Hopefully two men will be out for some photo ops: the naked cowboy, and the sexaaay models in Abercrombie and Fitch. I have been saving my pennies so hopefully I will be getting some really cute goal weight clothes!


Got up early this morning to see my best friend work her magic at our TV Studio in school. She's so legit. She was like, "everyone who is not an anchor/cameraman/director, GET OUT!!!" and then puts on her headphones and says "Erin. Hand me my coffee."

Yes sir, Mr. Spielberg.

We were going to go to Uno's tonight for my birthday with another friend, but my BIFFER (Molly is her name) got a terrible message that her grandma had been hit by a car and was killed and so she flew out to Texas tonight. I plan on getting her a AMAZING feel better prezzie in NYC, and I am thinking about sneaking out to her mailbox soon and sticking a big homemade brownie and a Hallmark card in there. If you guys pray, then PLEASE pray for my friend Molly, her grandma in heaven, and her family.

Tonight, I will grace you all with the magic of New York City. If you have yet to go there, I highly reccomend it.

Rockettes!!

apparently, he wears two pairs of man panties

SQUARE OF LIGHT

 Have a good night, loverlies!!!

This is a Rainbow Roll

Oh guys, you make me cry. 12 is  a very large number for a loser like me. I love all of my followers and love to comment on your blogs. You all are so amazing and perfect and THANK YOU for my comments!!!!!!

Should I describe my third, binge free day? I shall, because it makes me happy to think I have gotten this far (dont make fun--three days is a lot for me).
BINGEFREEBINGEFREEE YAY ME IF I DONT STAY BINGEFREE I WILL DIEEE.

Stats is my worst enemy. At first I was excited for our online quizzes--we dont have to take them in class, and I can use my book and everything--but then I started to forget to take them, and once they are closed, they are closed. NO MAS ABREN. So I think I am averaging a C? Poss. a D? Hopefully I will get my ass back onto the study wagon because that class cost like 200 dollars :0

SO my best friend came over today after school. I hung out with her in the Media Center in our school (she is in charge of the TV Studio, and I am in charge of the school newsletter) and we decided to head on down to SuperFresh and get some ingredients for Rainbow Rolls.

(I think I mentioned in a previous post how we went and got sushi and decided to make our own sushi with like fruit roll ups and swedish fish, but if I forgot, then..there you have it.)

We bought some dazzling fruit roll ups, skittles, swedish fish, sour gummy worms, and sour patch kids. Like a diabetic nightmare. SO we go home and have a TOTALLY AWESOME TIME. Like, I didnt even binge on all that sugar it was so funny. I think about..mmm...97 inside jokes were creatted? Yeah, it was pretty cool.

Here are some pics of our delishus rainbow rolls.

Her ex boy. I tried to make him UGLEYYY

My name in swedish fish

Our acutal rainbow rolls looked more like oyster shells than sushi rolls....C'est la vie.

Stoopid things you do with your friends???

PS thanks for the cute movie and book suggestions! I work at the library so I will check em all out!

STAY LLOVELLY

Today Was A Fairytale

Hi--sorry I did not post yesterday. I had a rather lot of things to do.

First of all: YOU GUYS, I HAVE ELEVEN FOLLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!! You cannot imagine the happiness that you bring me just by allowing yourself to be a number on my blog list.  I would cry but my little brother is sitting next to me and would think I was crazy (er).

Second: My day. Today was Day Two, Dos, Deux, II, whatever, of my binge free days. I want to explain how I felt, not binging. Do you remember when you (if you) started to binge? Was it just like something clicked in your mind that made you treat food 100% different than when you were restricting? All of a sudden, binging was the way to go? I believe that something clicked again inside me, and I went back to normal. I swear. I just hope to the sweet Lord in Heaven above that this is not some sort of cruel joke. Pleaseohpleaseohplease be real.

La di dah, had a nice day at school, actually. Talked to a cute boy in my History Class--I didnt know he knew my name!

So my old spanish teacher (the one that I hate) was taking whoever signed up on time to NYC today to see a Broadway play as a field trip. Nevermind the fact that all field trips have to have something to do with the actual subject at hand--because they went to see Wicked. Hola! Wicked no es un espectaculo de Espanol!!!!! Whatever. I will have to listen to this girl brag about her trip for the next nine centuries until I go to NYC myself this saturday. He he he...

My seventeenth is now just 4 days away--and I found out that my favorite history teachers birthday is also on the 14th! I knew we were soul mates.

I must be off, as I have a lot of homework, but I have a question for all yalls:

Favorite movie? Favorite book? I have a terrible sore throat from purging the other day and am planning to do some major rehabbing before saturday so I am not sick in NYC. I need to sit on my butt and veg like a carrot. Thinking some tea will do wonders, but I cant sit around bored, for goodness sakes. Share with me your favey videos--and I will put them all on my Netflix.

Loves and bugs.

Sorry for the abnormally brief post.

Pics from my last visit to New York!

Police Horse in Rockefeller Center

Me and Giant Statue of My Melody



Its UPsidedownnn nooo. But it is me with a police horse in times square.




Me. At my House. With my bro and hello kitty cake.



Jiminiy Crickets--Was That A Shooting Star??

Don't EVER purge caesar salad dressing. It sticks in your throat and stinks for like the rest of the century.

Have any of you ever purged, blown your nose, and had more crap/food come out in the tissue?????? This is an extremely TMI question, but it was funny to see a big lettuce leaf in my kleenex this morning...

If you could make a list of wishes and have all of them come true, what would you write? I don't care how superficial you are, because nobody can be more superficial than me. Anyway, here is my list of shooting star wishes:

A kitty cat, becaause I just want a best friend to be there for me all the time, no excuses
Less freckles on my face/body. Especially in the summer. I dont mind my pale skin as long as it is not speckled and spotty!!!
Smarter math brains
A scholarship to Marymount Manhatten Uni!!!
A smaller BMI, and a bodyweight of 26 pounds less than what I am now
A better relationship with my mom
whiter teeth
soulmate
webcam
complete collection of opi and essie nail polishes
unlimited money to go SHOPPING with
Amazing dancer skills
collection of House DVDs
Hope and Happiness

Lawdy. Does anyone else find Hugh Laurie unbearably witty and sexy?? Or am I just delusional???

Its T-minus...some more days until my birthday, and more importantly, my trip to NYCCCC!!!! Hoping to be down at least 2 pounds by then, but the MARS candy company may hinder my progress. Damn you, mark-down candies! And damn you Visa, for letting my mother buy three bags of Snickers, 3 Musketeers, and Milky Ways!!!!!

Today's video/link/quote/tip/picture/etc of the day is a list of my favey fave low cal foods/beverages

SoBe 0 cal life water--comes in a variety of flavors, my favorite of which is acai fruit punch (tastes like juicy juice)

Nature's Own WhiteWheat bread--the only 50 cal slice that is actually large and fluffy. delish white taste with the nutrish of wheat

Reduced fat philadelphia strawberry cream cheese-- slap a tbsp of this on afore mentioned bread and enjoy a <100 cal lunch

chef boyardee mac n cheese cups--basically all I ate before treatment. 190 cals, and VERY filling. Its real cheese, too.

HoneyMaid reduced fat cinna/honey grahams--2 whole erm, slices?? is only 140 cals, so split one slice up into two and you can have a snack of only 35 cals. also good with milk.

For all 8 followers I have now, I really am feeling the love, and enjoying commenting on your own blogs!!
I will sit back now and watch House while painting my nails with "jade is the new black" by opi and try to get rid of the nasty vom taste in my mouth.

have a V.V. nice day.

If it looks like a bitch, smells like a bitch, and talks like a bitch...

I think I get the weirdest security codes on here. I was just catching up on everyone's blogs, and after typing in my comments I got freaky words like "milymbr" and "weeglies" and other oddities. Just saying. It gets on mah nerrves after a while, but I guess I understand why they are on here.

(I don't, really.)

Tonight I am going to tell you a story about a girl, because this girl will appear in some future posts I am SURE, and  I don't want to cause any brain-hurt because you don't know what I'm talking about. So, in narrative form, here is my little story.

Once upon a time, a little girl (Me) went to a Catholic elementary/middle school. In like, 6th grade, some smart ass from the 5th grade got moved up into my class. She (lets call her Janie) was a total freak and had major dandruff, acne, and was fat. She always talked about her favorite country singer and wore his memorabilia and liked to creat comics about the "Bob Family." I was nice to this bitch because I felt bad for her.

She fell in love with the innocent little 6th grader. She invited me to her waterfront property and wowed me with her "toy" golf cart, popcorn machine, home theater, OnDemand, private phone line, and iPod. From then on, you could pretty much say she was as obsessed with me as John Hinckley was with Jodie Foster.

This girl became a bitch pretty quick. She went through about every phase you can go through before 9th grade: goth, emo, hippie, druggie, prep, slut, rock chick. Yet, she never once did anything in her personal life that would make her one of these things.

Do you see where I'm going with this? This bitch, Janie, would ALWAYS talk to hardcore druggies about weed and  draw pictures of what she thinks would happen if she did LSD and tell me stories about her and her boyfriend's makeout session.

I started to try to get away from her. SHE FOLLOWED ME EVERYWHERE. She invited me to her house, she signed up for the clubs I was in (and didnt contribute but still made sure her name was on the list so she could get college credit), made sure we had the same classes in the same period, and texted me every half hour. When summer came, I felt free, and didnt respond to any of her texts. She began to torment me. Everything I did was gay, emo, slutty, stupid. Janie made me feel like crap under her shoes(they were converses at that point!). I blame her partly for my ED, although I know I should not have been as affected by her pettiness as I was.

Back to present day: We had a fall out last year when she humiliated me in public by starting a lie about something I did NOT do at a local fair. She texts me all summer(actual texts right here my mom saved in case we need a restraining order):
We saw you driving earlier, you have the same car I'm getting haha (this bitch is 14. I have a honda, and she has claimed all her life that she is getting a mercedes. then again, she cut her hair when I did, bought the same backpack I did, and started wearing Abercrombie when I did. after she proffesed her hate for everything abercrombie.)

Hey do you not have a texting plan anymore? I can stawp texting if thats the case.

Hi.

Are we still friends?

So youre dumping me?

Are we still friends?

Heey erin. Ive been thinking about you. Did you get my letter?(this letter she sent to me when I was in inpatient treatment for ana in this past march. sheppard pratt, holla.)

I found out, to my dismay, that this year she would be in my spanish class. The bitch teacher sat me right next to her. One day, she stopped teaching a few minutes early so we all congregated by the door. Janie stands behind me, breathes down my neck, says nothing. The bell rings. We all leave, but as soon as we walk out the door, Janie stops me and says, "I dont want to be the one that continues all this hostility, so Im gonna ask you whats up" or something to that affect. I basically told her that she knew what she did and that there was no right in pretending that I was her friend or needed to be her friend anymore.

Her response: That's reasonable.

I am now dropped out of spanish and havent gotten a text from her in a while. She still talks about me in public--my friends all tell me. OH one more thing. I made a Facebook, as you know. SHE DELETES HERS. In the short time that I have mine taken away, she reactivates her account! I got my account reactivated two days ago now, and hers is deleted.

Personally, I think it is funny that she wont allow herself to have a Facebook. So take that bitch. AND STOP WATCHING ME.

Sorry for the rant, but  I just needed to rant and rant and rant and rant until my fingers fell off (they are twitching on my keyboard right as we speak.)

OH SHit--this dude stalked Anna Kournikova

This freak was obsessed with Uma Thurman

Would be killa of Ronald Reagan--to get Jodie Foster's attention

HE KILLED JOHN LENNON

I lobe you guys :))))

Oh Hay!

Breaking news: I got my Facebook back.
I am sure you are asking, "but I never knew she got it taken away?" and that is true. SOO I will start from the beginning.

I asked for a Facebook. Mom said no (this went on for some while). I secretly made one. My aunt friended me. I decided to spill the beans because Id rather tell my Mom than have my aunt let it slip. She got V.V. angry. Took away Facebook. Gave it back.

So that's how it all went down, basically.

Today I went to Hunan Palace for sushi with my Friend. DfjaoifgNASTYYY sushi. I swear, they put like CHEESE on one of the sushis. I ordered myself some chicken cho chos while my Friend went to town on her sweet n sour chicken, Dr Pepper, and cheesy sushi. The girl can chow down. So calorie wise, it was okay, but damn Chinese food is salty, so I will be retaining some fluids tomorrow.
We spent: $32.07
We ate: About $10.50 worth of food
We drank:None of our watered down sodas/rank iced teas
We learned: Never go to a restaurant just because it is cheap--especially if you want to get raw fish--and never pick the restaraunt in the middle of the ghetto
We left: No tip. And ran the hell outta there.

We saw MEGAMIND!!!! For all of you with smaller child siblings, this movie is not horrendously corny/stoopid that you will kill yourself taking your little sis/bro to see. I laughed more than a girl my age should have.

Tomorrow I work from 9-5 at the library and get to see a bunch of skinny ballet girls come in for the library's Christmas reading of the Nutcracker. BITCH IT IS NOT THANKSGIVING YET. I'm thinking I may have to go buy some more of those SoBe 0 cal Life Waters--they have a nice selection at the Giant.

What are your favorite foods? "Safe" or "not safe", what are they?? Here is a list of mine. Feel free to marvel at my gluttony

Safe foods:
fat free strawberry cream cheese
coffee
anything splenda
nature's own whitewheat bread (the goodness of wheat for the taste of white, and only 50 cals per slice!!)
veggs.
fruuuts.
low fat graham crackers
grilled chicken
Cheerios!

Not so safe foods:
cheeseeee frieeess with spicy ranch dressing and bacon (mmm havent had outbacks aussie chips in at least 2 years now)
Candy corn!!!
Frozen yogurt! Preferably TCBY
Cool Ranch Doritos
French toast!!
Strawberry PopTarts

Now that I think about it, all of my not safe foods DO make me feel sick after consumption, so that is some inspiration to not eat them.

Mmkkay guys. Tonight I will bless you with an amazing thinspo collection on xanga. She is one of my favorite thinspo sources and she has TONS of pages!

Thinspos!

Happy Thursday--Week is ALMOST Over

HI all. I'm so Jealous--my little brother is reading Alice In Wonderland for his 8th grade book assignment. How come I had to read junk like Z for Zachariah (about the lone survivor of a nuclear war finding out that the only other person alive is a man that wants to rape and kill her) and The Giver (about a society where any baby who is born with a different hair/eye color is euthanized) while he gets to read a literary classic??!! I swear. And I'll bet he doesn't even want to read it.

What about you guys?? Books you loved/hated but were required to read anyway in middle/high school?
Here's a list of my faves:
Great Expectations  (9th grade)
To Kill a Mockingbird (8th and 10th grade) I LOVEEE this book
The Joy Luck Club (10th grade)
The Scarlet Letter (10th grade)
Of Mice and Men (9th grade)
Catcher in the Rye (10th grade) High-larious. Please read.

Here is a list of my un-faves:
The Giver (8th grade)
Z for Zachariah (8th grade)
Romeo and Juliet (9th grade) I don't care if it is a literary masterpiece. I didnt like it.
A Separate Peace (9th grade)
The Pearl (8th grade)
The Great Gatsby (10th grade)

Currrently, as I am a book whore, I am reading the Da Vinci Code for the first time. OHMYGOD IT IS THE BEST FREAKING BOOK I HAVE READ IN A LOONG TIME!!! If you like Jeproady, or Cash Cab, or any kind of tv show where you can test your own knowledge, than you will love this book. You can try to figure it out as you go using your knowledge about paintings such as Da Vinci and your knowledge of ancient god and goddesses and the zodaic.

If you cannot tell, I am feeling much better today than yesterday. My mom and I got along fine and we even had a nice civil conversation about  my dad that did not end in tears. PLUS I had a salad for dinner and lunch (I LOVE Ruby Tuesday croutons.) so I ate well too.

Also, I ran to the library--my place of employment--after school to get my paycheck. I have yet to pick up a paycheck within five days of it being placed in my mailbox. Haha--they gave me Quizno's coupons along with the actual check. So I'm being paid in coupons now? Okay, then stick in a couple of 15% off ones to Barnes and Noble, maybe the Chinese restaurant, and the Giant, so I can buy more Extra gum without emptying my wallet.

So I bought this totally sexy LBD online from swell.com (amaaaazing clothes, check it out!) and it didn't come for so long that I sent the company an email. When my mom got home from work, she's like "You didn't see your package!" and there was the dress. So if anyone who works at customer service at swell reads this, sorry for wasting your time!!!!!

Finally, some pics for you guys to enjoy:

Me and My Brother on Our Way to DC!!!



Trailer Park Kitties

Trailer Park Kitties 2


My new dress
(the pic uploader isnt working but I will try to fix it. Until then, here is the link in case you want it for yourself.)

 Last but not least, here is your video/pic/story/link for the day!!! This Video is of NFL cheerleaders dancing(cheering, whatever) for the cure for breast cancer. If they get 1,000,000 page hits, the susan g komen foundation gets 100,000 dollars!!! So even if you don't feel like watching it, just open it up in a separate browser and let it run its course, and you've done a good deed for the day!

Love all, and...
I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE SEVEN FOLLOWERS!!!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!

Well, That Was Interesting

So I was thinking about lying some more. Telling everyone on here that my day was fine, and thinking up some story about how I went to school and had a lovely low cal lunch of soup and aced all my tests, but  then I thought "Why did I make this blog, anyway?"

So I could find a place to be honest--and understood. So here is my day.

(Yesterday is included in here because I didn't post)

We had no school yesterday because of elections. I went to my Stats test--I think I bombed it, ha ha.--and then got a text from my friends. We were gonna hang then anyway because we had no school but she told me to come around 12. So it was like 10 30 and she was like "Bob Evans, guuurrrlll!!" and I get there and there is a big plate of choco chip pancakes and bacon AND one of those caramel cappucinos. So great! I mean, I ATE it and had a LOAD of fun at her house (we ran around the neighborhood making music videos to Taylor Swift's "Better than Revenge") and then I went home.

Like, my house sucks.

My mom was nitpicking at me all day and she had good reason to, but I just felt so sick and angry and unwanted that at the end of the night I told her, and we got in a fight. Before she left the house for work tomorrow we got in another fight. Can you picture me, crazy eyed, banging my head on the wall? And then she comes and grabs me--I have bruises--and I start screaming, "You can't pick me up anymore, huh? Because Im not 80 pounds anymore--Im fat and like 2000 pounds!!!" Sure enough she drops me and I basically just lay there.

Then I binged. All day. It was shitty(scuze me for the language).

Its funny how NOBODY knows that my life is like this at home. I am precious Erin, the quiet one, the one that doesn't swear, that gets good grades, that will help me with my homework. They have no idea I have gotten into physical fights with my mom, have been abandoned by my father, and have NO idea that when I walk into school I can feel curly fries, chocolate milk, mrs fields cookies, and poptarts slooshing around in my fat ol' stomach.

Its been awesome talking to you all. I think its rather a form of therapy.

Today I have cried a bit...

Pikachu is Sad
Snooki Is Sad